[story] I am special, I am weird

It’s funny how people sees me. they have various reaction when they got to know me better. this blog is part of my world. this is three quarter picture of who I really am (I keep the 1/4 for my self). My students opinion are vary. they surprised that I am not the people they used to think. I am a programmer, yes. I am a design-obsessed, yes. I love cute things like a girl at the same time love something tough, masculine like a boy. I do list myself as a crocheter, a card maker, a quill-er (a quilling paper maker), love photography and all those random things. ah… and I forget to mention that I love to cook and try some weird and new receipt in a kitchen when I have a good mood with me. most of my programmer friend doesn’t have this opposite attraction.

you might think that I am one of the most random woman on earth. the fact is that I like to learn many things. New things to learn is attract me more than how food manage to seduce me when I said I am done. Some of my friend surprised when I took a box of quilled paper with me, or when I brought my card with me. some of them compliment me, support me and said ‘what else do you gonna make?’ I said ‘just wait and see’ then weeks later I brought an exploding box with me hahahahahaah. but some of them just said that I am weird, that I did what other engineer didn’t (of course my engineer friends are men how they suppose to know the cute things?? -_-)

But I see it as a positive things, it’s good to be out of the box that trapped me once in a while, the truth is when I do my crochet or make my card or editing picture or else I feel the stress is gone. I love it. you know, when make program got me physically and mentally trapped. that’s why I need my random things to keep me human, not a robot. and the fact that my head won’t stop spinning is another story. I wonder -and I don’t know why- I always ask about a lot of things. since I was a kid I realize this weird behavior of mine. When I was a little girl I remember I saw a clock ticking and wondering what moves that hour hand. First I thought there was a hand that hiding behind it and moves that hour hand when I loose my sight. so I keep staring at the clock for hours and the hand won’t came out. so I hide couple minutes and saw the clock then, but the hour hand already moved. then I know  -later- that there is a machine behind it that moves the needle. or when I saw the moon, and I saw specks covering some area of the moon, I asked what’s that black things. is there any human living on the moon, is the black things is their land. that’s my silly little girl question. and this behavior start to grow to a bigger question as I grow older. sometimes it sucks when my question didn’t get any ‘right’ answer (in my opinion) I felt terribly disappointed to my self. and as the time goes by I learn how to ignore the question that bugging myself for days when I am not trying to look for the answer. and I am getting better. not a good things. but sometimes the question is just blow out my mind. so I become more selective to choose what’s to think.

so, reader -whoever you are- forgive me if you happen to read this blog and confuse what I am really like. that’s me…. special because of random things and weird for the same reason.. hehe… happy reading.


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